The Internet is a great distraction. I’ve woken very early this morning. And, as I have time to spare, I’ve used it in the best possible way imaginable. I went retardosurfing. I started off by searching Google for magic card tricks, because, for the last two days, I've been pissing off small children, with deception and a pack of cards. They piss me off most of the time, so it’s just my kind way of returning the favour. Anyway, the dead parrot defence that is exclusive to murderers & seven year olds lying, is another story entirely.
I find my magic card website, and I get side tracked immediately. I haven’t even looked at the card section, before I'm dribbling over sleight of hand magnets, magic smoke wax, and the bite-the-end-off-the-coin tricks. I’m cooing like a woman in a shoe shop. But me being me. I start to get a little wary of magic tricks that cost £85 for a sheet of rubber and a coin. So, I Wikipedia ‘planned obsolescence’ and read hungrily like an A.D.D kid with a Big Mac. I read proudly how I have not fallen for the magic lure of Fu Manchu and his cheap coin tricks. I click the blue links and read about oligopoly. I wonder about big corporate companies like Microsoft, and TY teenie weenie waney beanie bunnies and think “Bastards”. I consider Cabbage Patch Kids & Acid wash. Which leads me to the Lego Universe MMoRPG game. I open the website, and wonder, and wonder, and wonder, when they will finally release the next crack like world of warcraft addiction. And I hope it’s a free ride this time, because my hard earned £8 a month could have paid for what? I discover that apparently, in the Lego MMoRPG Universe, you will be able to build any object you may wish, and via the Lego online shop, purchase your bricks, and have them posted to you. In real realness!
I wander off to a forum to find out more about the Lego Universe release, but instead read the flame wars & trolling comments left by the users who are clearly stand up comics hiding behind a digital veil similar to those ‘early’ late night TV public Internet safety warnings on Internet ‘child grooming’. The forum question starts off innocent enough:
Reuters have revealed some of the first details on the LEGO Universe MMO, having talked to project director Mark William Hansen. From what we’ve managed to gather from this article and early discussion of the project at GDC, this could be the first children’s MMO with mass appeal. Crucial to its success will be getting this bit right:

Most social online worlds have their own currency or monetary system, and Lego Universe will also require users to spend virtual money to buy virtual bricks. But rather than winning or beating an opponent, players build capital by spending time in the game.

“The more a child plays, they collect more coins and more bricks. The more you play, the more you get to build things,” Hansen said.

And then the comments start to flow… “Oooooh!” says Tim, followed by other innocent sundries. But then user ‘rabbitsoup’ contributes: “I'm gonna collect me some pink bricks for my vagina house. who wants to help me grind to get the wheels for the penis car?”. Following that, ‘Undead Dolphin Hacker’ comments: “What’s going to prevent the antisocial fuckwads that run the internet from making giant tentacle rape monsters, or statues of two anime wolves yiffing?” I laugh until morning tears pour down my face like the raindrops between the greenfauna of my garden and the dusty streaks on my window pane. My mind starts to wander about the sheer hilarity of the eventual state of the Lego Universe world which, intended for joyful, playful, European children's toy TV advert- like happy gayness, will undoubtedly be corrupted & perverted by withdrawn WoW addicts hell bent on nonsense. And let’s face it, the real world is just man-made nonsense anyway. It’s a case of art imitating life. Or, is it life imitating art? Or, is it the other way around?...hmmm....infinity...infinity...infinity...And it’s still only 8am.