It's getting complicated. I can see a snowball forming in the shape of my life, and it creeps slowly toward the precipice; teetering on the edge, the possibility to ruin everything, just in time for the September departure. It's an inevitability that I can sense, feel and foresee. But I hope that it's all just in my imagination and self doubt. Doubt, that is caused by somebody else's borderline narcissistic personality, and my acceptance of it, making me into some kind of Stockholm syndrome victim...But I'm not a victim, because I allow it. Does it have to be that way? I only have myself to blame, because, after all, it is all about me, me, me. I play the bad guy well. I am easy to shape doubt into, and discard as some troublesome miscreant. Because, let's face it, I am. And, nothing that I ever do can be good. Not good enough, anyway. It's me. It's what I do, how I behave, where I allow my feelings to fall. Crushed like a cup, and crunched like coal. But the light in all this, is that I have freedom to control myself, and to proceed through causality. Perhaps it can be read, that I want to be on the road. Perhaps acts of vengeance, recklessness, and self-interest, are the catalysts to my causal misfortune. It is a play I must sit and watch in it's entirety.